The Waiting Room, II

The Waiting Room, II

Performance Time & Location:

Lobby of the ART or similar before a performance.

MC:

MIC CHECK

MIC CHECK

THE OCCUPATION REQUESTS YOUR ATTENTION

THIS IS MY TICKET.

THIS IS YOURS.

Troupe enters, takes places, hands out flyers.

Time, Location, Staging, Props

Hospital waiting room, represented by six chairs and a card table and chair. Card board waiting room doors and tamborine held by unseen stage hands.

Giant needle.

Characters

Nurse

Darth Vader

Romney/Obama; two men bound at the waist back to back, wearing appropriate masks.

People representing countries:

USBP; the US Body Politic is covered with orange balloon tumors labeled with the names of the largest health insurance companies and tied with red tape. Per is slightly hysterical and usualy shouts but not as loudly as Fidel. Per lays across a few chairs.

Canada; plaid shirt, accent.

France; beret, accent.

UK, with tea cup and kettle, accent.

Cuba, Fidel all done up.

Japan, suit, accent.

Nationalized Health Insurance Scouts, (NHIS) in cub scout uniform.

Act I

The action starts with USBP laying across a few chairs and Darth Vader at the card table.

Nurse enters and goes over to USBP.

Nurse enters. “Oh dear. Here, this is the best I can do right now.” She puts bandaid on USBP

USBP: But I have health insurance! Look! I have health insurance!

Nurse glances nervously at Darth Vader and puts another bandaid on USBP.

Canada and France walk in and sit down.

Canada, “He don’t look so good, heh.”

USBP: groaning, I don’t feel so good....

Nurse to Canada: “What wrong honey?”

C: I kind of feel a cold coming on, my chest is all stuffed up, heh.

N: Well, you’ll have to wait a few days. Think you can manage?

C: Yeah, I guess so, heh.

N: And what about you? How are you feeling today?

F: My nose is all stuffed up. I feel rather phlegmy. Here’s my card.

USBD: I HAVE CANCER. THERE ARE TUMORS GROWING ALL OVER MY BODY, PLEASE FOR GODS SAKE, LET ME SEE A DOCTOR.

The Nurse is flustered, she doesn’t know what to do. She goes back and consults with Darth Vader. 

C: So what are you paying for health insurance these days?

F: Oh, about 11.1% of GDP.

C: Really? That’s kind of high don’t you think?

F: Yeah, those beaurocrats. It goes up all the time.

USBP: (shouting) WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT? I’M PAYING 15.3% AND MY HEALTH CARE SUCKS. I CAN’T EVEN GET A GLASS OF WATER!

C: Not so good, heh?

F: What are you talking about? We have the best healthcare in the world.

Fidel Castor struts in and shouts

“I’m the healthiest country in the world You know why? Cause we threw out the rich capitalist pigs who were killing the people with their disgusting healthcare for profit. Now, everyone eats, and anyone can see a doctor. NO CHARGE! We send doctors all over the world and so the world loves Cuba. CUBA LIBRE LIBRE CUBA!. We have acupuncture and preventative care, and an infant mortality rate lower than Detroit.*”

He bends down by USBP and says, “Sound good, Yanqui?”

Cuba cackles, throws away his cigar and leaves.

(Alternate: Fidel goes on at length until the nurse interrupts him and tells him that unless he’s sick he’ll have to leave the Waiting Room. Or Louise and Harry drag him off.)

F: Idiot. France has the best healthcare in the world.

C: I think he said, he was the healthiest, heh?

F: Rice and beans three times a day! Live for what!!!???

F:Nurse comes back she ignores USBP and goes up to the French patient.

N: Did you notice the schedule of fees?

F: Yeah, went up a bit but that’s ok, as long as everyone can be seen.

N: Of course, everyone in France has healthcare.

USBP; groans. So what would it cost to have a few of these things removed?

N: That information is not available.

USBP: groans.

Nurse takes France off stage.

Canada bends over USBP concerned. “You don’t look good, heh?”

USBP: No, I don’t feel good and I haven’t been able to work for months all my time goes to filling out these forms.

Nurse walks by and drops more forms on USBP, who groans and goes to stand by Darth Vader.

C: Hey, here take some of these. You’ll feel better, they’re cheap.

USBP: Really, you’d do that for me?

C: Of course, we’re all in it together, heh?

C take some bottles out of his pocket and tries to give them to USBP. Darth Vader sends out the Romeny/Obama character and it tries to get the drugs away from USBP. There is a tug of war.

R/O; You cant’ do that! Give me those! Don’t you know you’re destroying the free market!

USBP: The free market isn’t making me feel any better. Cut it out! I want those pills!

R/O: Just wait a little bit! What’s your hurry? The price will come down any minute now!

USBP: Why? Why is the price coming down? Give me those pills!

Darth Vader enters and stands behind Romney/Obama who suddenly is infused with strength and prys the pills away from USBP and exits. USBP slumps.

UK and Japan enter the waiting room.

J: Honorable sir not looking good.

UK: No, by George Bush he don’t look good now does he?  Cuppa tea?

USBP,groaning, I don’t think that’s going to help.

Nurse in and bows at the Japanese patient who bows back.

UK: Now wait a minute, I walked a whole two blocks to get to this clinic and I’m paying an unbelievable 8.3% of my GDP for healthcare and I think that means that I....

The Japanese patient bows to UK and the nurse escorts UK off stage.

J: Why don’t you see honorable doctor, honorable sir? Only cost 8.0% GDP. Yes?

USBP: groans.

The nurse comes and takes the Japanese patient back. Darth Vader comes out and attaches more balloons to the struggling groaning USBP. End.

Act II

Time: after the ART performance while patrons are milling around.

Setting: action begins with USBP still laying across a few waiting room chairs.

The Nationalized Health Insurance Scouts, in cub scout uniform enter and mic check the NHIS oath.

I promise to do my best

To protect and insure the health of the body politic,

Not to profit from another’s misfortune and

To obey the Law of  Preventive Medicine.

When they finish the Oath, they pop the health insurance tumors with the giant needle. USBP jumps up:

USBP: Thank you! Thank you!

The other countries and the Nurse return to the stage, everyone starts hugging and high five’ing and thanking the NHIS for saving USBP. Darth Vader lurks in the back ground. The doors to the Waiting Room rattle.

C: WE ARE WE ARE

Crowd bursts through the doors chanting:

C: THE 99%

Everyone except Darth Vader, who crumbles, march off stage together chanting.

Below, some ideas for a flyer explicating the NHIS Oath:

This promise helps Cub Scouts develop a sense of spiritual awareness, loyalty, unselfishness, self-discipline, and service to others.

A promise is a commitment. To make a promise and then fail to keep it is to break one's word.

To do my best: One person's best is not the same as someone else's best. A Cub Scout should try to better his own record, rather than merely trying to do better than someone else.

To do my duty to God: This phrase means to remember to thank God for good friends, good health, our well-being, our family, and all others who love and help us. Going to worship services is another way of doing our duty to God. We should respect other people's religious beliefs even if they are different from our own.

And my country: Duty to country starts with being a good citizen. This means caring about the people in our communities and helping those in need. Good citizenship also means obeying the law and using our country's resources carefully. We show love for our country by respecting and saluting the U.S. flag and standing at attention when our national anthem is played.

To help other people: For Cub Scouts, helping other people may mean helping at home by taking out the garbage or making their bed without grumbling. A Cub Scout can also help others by befriending a new student in school, making holiday cards for older people, raking leaves or clearing snow for a neighbor, providing games for children living in shelters, or collecting food for people who don't have enough to eat. Helping others is not always easy to do. We must think about other people instead of ourselves—even when it might be inconvenient.

And to obey the Law of the Pack: A Cub Scout should follow the laws of the land, the rules in his school, the rules in his home, and the rules in his den and pack.

They take out a giant needle with a tag that says “Occupy Boston” and pop all the balloons on USBP. Darth Vader crumples. USBP jumps up and says, “Mic check”

“I’m joing the Occupation”

Everyone else repeats it, echoing, and all go off stage.

OB crashes in hands the Scouts a needle, they pop the balloons, everyone exit singing to go to the next OB demo on.....(insert date).

*program notes: Fidel exaggerates a bit. The actual stats are....In XXXX Fidel quit smoking to show his support for his countries preventive medicine program.